It's Lonely in the Middle

I am so excited about our trip to Paris that I can barely concentrate on work.  Luckily & surprisingly, it's a rare slow week for me.  So much of life seems consumed with logistics and juggling various things that need to be done "right now!"; it's been nice to have a week where I can squeeze in some reflection on the important things in life- Am I happy with the choices I've made?  Am I being the person I want to be?  Did I drink enough water today?  Who, pray tell, is the unnamed actress that bit Beyonce in the face?!

Mostly I've been thinking about where I'm at career wise (you can probably tell since I've been blogging about it a bit more than usual).  I'm often asked if I'll go back to a company or stay on my own forever.  Like most things, it’s a bit complicated.  On the one hand, I’d say no, for all the reasons that I left a company in the first place and blogged about here.   

On the other hand, I do miss the nature of work at a company vs. being external counsel.  I miss having colleagues and going to lunches and happy hours.  I miss making decisions and leading projects.  I’m a pretty action-oriented person so sometimes I find it challenging to be in an advisory role with my clients.  I give advice and make suggestions but at the end of the day, it’s their call and that can be frustrating.

I remind myself of all of the great things about my current gig.  The flexibility.  The autonomy.  The income.  The sweatpants!  On the rare days where even active-wear doesn’t lift my spirits entirely, I remind myself that nothing is permanent.  My feelings on this change like the tides, and there’s nothing to stop me from going back in-house one day if that’s really what I want.

I was really itching to get back to a company toward the end of last year.  Then I had 2 job offers fall into my lap and ultimately disintegrate when they couldn't get me where I needed to be compensation-wise.  I was really disappointed, mostly because I had been feeling pretty isolated on my own.  

I’m not a stay-at-home-mom so I don’t quite fit in with that crowd.  I don’t really get invited to lunches and coffees with the other moms, and even if I did, it would be hard for me to commit given my work schedule.  But I also don't get dressed up and go to an office every day so I don’t quite fit the mold of a career-lady either.  I can't really gripe with the working moms about commuting and having to miss school stuff because of meetings.  I guess a lot of times I feel stuck in the middle, neither here nor there.  I get the best of both worlds but I also get the worst.  I try to focus on the former but the latter was getting to me.

But like the tides, my mentality has completely shifted and now in 2018 I'm not really itching to move back to corporate life any time soon.  I think it's partially due to being pregnant but also that having slow weeks like this one NEVER happened in corporate life.  They're rare now but they do happen and they are glorious.  It's really easy for me to get in that "grass-is-greener" way of thinking but I am making a conscious effort to pull myself out of that when I feel it happening.

And Paris is just around the corner so how could I be in a funk about anything?!  Eeek, I am so freakin' excited to have a whole week off! 

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