An Ode to Matt and the Other Good Partners of the World

Some of my favorite photos of Matt being a good partner and father.

About 6 months ago Lean In turned 5 years old and there were a ton of articles in the press debating its continued relevance.

I really admire Sheryl Sandberg but I was not a fan of Lean In.  It felt preachy and “I’m going to run for office one day.”  But where I think she was spot-on was in her emphasis on how your choice of romantic partner can really make or break your career.  So many men believe in equality but their spouse inevitably ends up being the first-responder even if she’s also got a full-time career.

I’m not going to claim that Matt and I are perfect on this but I have never (literally not once) felt that he didn’t view my career as being as important as his.  As his career has progressed and I’ve been doing my own thing, I had naturally fallen into the role of first-responder & that’s OK.  It’s usually way easier for me to do the various household and kid-related tasks and for the most part I actually want to do them.  The only resentment I hold is from years ago when I was supposed to go to a corporate event with the LA Galaxy and Lily got a fever and Matt couldn’t pick her up so I had to do it and I missed my chance to be bowling with Beckham.  Curses!

Now Matt is working from home as well and his gig is much more flexible than mine. The pendulum has swung the other way and he’s the first-responder, chief-dinner-maker, and Jason-wrangler (while I’ve assumed the role of Rosie-handler).

But where I really appreciate Matt’s support now is in his unconditional belief that I can do anything.  Quit my job and build a book of business from scratch?  Do it while pregnant, regularly volunteering at Lily’s school, getting her to piano and baseball and ice skating and basketball?  All of those things seemed impossible when I was facing them and yet Matt saw them as possible, inevitable even.  Matt believed that I would be successful at this way before I did.

He thanks me for everything I do for him and our family a lot (way more than I do him).  I’ll be honest- there are irrational, tired times when for some reason this annoys me.  Like I’d rather not be worthy of thanks; it would be awesome to be a well-rested, utterly mediocre wife and mother.  But then I remember that I’ll never be well-rested (hello, narcolepsy), it makes me happy to be productive and efficient, and being annoyed at genuine gratitude is ridiculous.  So I take a deep breathe and say “you’re welcome," but really I should say "thank you."