Bad Blogger
So I've been pretty bad about updating the blog lately... Every few weeks or so I get into a funk and it's just hard to get stuff done. I've noticed that it usually happens right after I've applied for a job that I actually want. I have a few days of feeling good and daydreaming about how things are going to turn around and then when I don't hear anything about said job, my mood plummets and it takes a few days to get back to normal.
Matt warned me that this would happen and has given me many a pep talk about not taking it personally. On one hand, I understand that it's not personal. My resume is being rejected; not ME. On the other hand, my resume kind of is ME, or at least what ME has been doing for the past 7 years. So it's hard not to take every day of radio silence as some sort of statement about my worth.
I've held back in blogging about this because frankly, it's embarrassing. Since college, I've been on a certain trajectory of education, career advancement and making bank. Being at a standstill is just confusing. For the first time, I am really thinking hard about the life I want to live and whether a traditional career is something that fits into that. But no matter how hard I spin my wheels, it always comes back to money. As so many of my lawyer girlfriends and I have talked about, a legal career is one of those things that it never makes sense to walk away from. You've spent too much money to get there in the first place and you make too much money to not feel horribly guilty about giving it up.
I've been bouncing this all around in my head ever since Lily was born. The good news is, I have a feeling that I'm turning a corner and close to a resolution. I can't describe why I feel this way because nothing about my situation has really changed. I just feel like there's something hiding in the back of my brain and I'm close to finding it. Almost like when you forget the tune to a song but you KNOW you know it. And then a week later, when you're no longer trying to figure it out, you're humming it without even realizing it.
So I've decided to take the rest of this week off from job search stuff. I think if I give my brain a vacation from sorting through hundreds of job listings and pouring over my network, I may open up some space for a personal break-through of some sort. I hope....
In the mean time, here are some photos from my iPhone:
Matt warned me that this would happen and has given me many a pep talk about not taking it personally. On one hand, I understand that it's not personal. My resume is being rejected; not ME. On the other hand, my resume kind of is ME, or at least what ME has been doing for the past 7 years. So it's hard not to take every day of radio silence as some sort of statement about my worth.
I've held back in blogging about this because frankly, it's embarrassing. Since college, I've been on a certain trajectory of education, career advancement and making bank. Being at a standstill is just confusing. For the first time, I am really thinking hard about the life I want to live and whether a traditional career is something that fits into that. But no matter how hard I spin my wheels, it always comes back to money. As so many of my lawyer girlfriends and I have talked about, a legal career is one of those things that it never makes sense to walk away from. You've spent too much money to get there in the first place and you make too much money to not feel horribly guilty about giving it up.
I've been bouncing this all around in my head ever since Lily was born. The good news is, I have a feeling that I'm turning a corner and close to a resolution. I can't describe why I feel this way because nothing about my situation has really changed. I just feel like there's something hiding in the back of my brain and I'm close to finding it. Almost like when you forget the tune to a song but you KNOW you know it. And then a week later, when you're no longer trying to figure it out, you're humming it without even realizing it.
So I've decided to take the rest of this week off from job search stuff. I think if I give my brain a vacation from sorting through hundreds of job listings and pouring over my network, I may open up some space for a personal break-through of some sort. I hope....
In the mean time, here are some photos from my iPhone:
S
Lily reigning in the aisles of JoAnn Fabrics. Maryte suggested this become Lily's signature look. It kind of already is since she's usually wearing a figurative crown in our household.
I've been looking for this pair of sandals for 2 months now, without even knowing if they existed! I was so stoked to see them at TJ Maxx (they're Theory and were only $39) but then just as unstoked to see that they were too big and only one pair was available. So if anyone sees them at a store near you, please let me know. :)
Lils staring at a fountain near UCLA in Westwood.
Lils in between bites of gelato. It was her first encounter with gelato or ice cream and she was in love... and very upset when it was all gone.
Playing with Grandma Judy.
And exploring the backyard.
Eating outside in her bumbo seat.
And smiling in the car yesterday.
Hang in there V -- You guys are going to figure all of this out and in a few years you'll look back and be proud of yourself for getting through a tough transition time. Much love from Chicago! -- Jess
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